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A Christmas Closing

December 23, 2008

‘Twas an hour before closing and the agents were tense,
to close Christmas Eve just didn’t make sense.

But the seller was booked on the 6 o’clock flight
and had warned “THERE WILL BE A CLOSING TONIGHT!”

The agents agreed because business was dead,
and visions of commission checks danced in their heads.

The loan was approved by the lender’s good grace,
Everyone knew ‘twas a borderline case.

The buyers divorced, remarried again,
Divorced once more, and now were just friends.

The loan package complete to the closer was carried,
With instructions to close before they remarried.

The title policy arrived via UPS,
From page One through Sixteen, a terrible MESS!

An improper legal, 3 judgments, a lien,
But a few lines on page seven, looked pretty clean.

The title was cleared and the closing was set,
But to finish today was not a sure bet.

The closer dashed in waving her HUD,
It was covered with whiteout, coffee and crud.

But down in the corner you barely could see,
that the buyer still owed a buck thirty-three.

So the closer extracted a bill from her compact,
And the agents agreed to the rest on the contract.

To add some interest, the seller revealed,
to everyone’s horror – the well wasn’t sealed.

And, oh yes, he wanted to change the disclosure,
His mother just died of RADON EXPOSURE!

Everything else in his house was O.K.
(his cracked floors and walls were always that way)

About that time the buyer chimed in,
“we’d like to continue, but before we begin,

I noticed these papers – I’m likely to blame,
But I gave my agents the wrong legal name,

And one more thing I had hoped to avoid,
Does it really matter if I’m self-employed?”

About this time the closer exploded.
She pulled out a gun and said it was loaded.

Everyone froze and sat there amazed,
She frothed at the mouth and her eyes were both glazed.

More rapid than eagles, her curses they came;
she bristled and spouted and called them BAD names.

“THE CLOSING IS OFF, DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR??
MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL – NOW GET OUT OF HERE!”

Submitted by George Heery, with permission from the Author.

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